Em and Stu do Australia Part 7: The Roundup: Our top – and bottom – 20 (in pictures)

THE BOTTOM 20: Worst first, so we end on a high note!

Funnily enough, I notice, a lot of the low points on this trip are directly related to the high points, as in, the most worthwhile experiences usually required some hardship to achieve. Some, though, were just low, and the first is a perfect example…

1.      The Port Hedland Hot Box: The shadeless stretches of paving and gravel that was the caravan park. The first of many failed naps.

2.      The ‘Community Room’ Nap: Emma trying to put a baking Augie to sleep in a very bright sea container at Dampier Caravan Park, which owners let us use because they felt sorry for us. Involving much dangerous perching on swivel chair attempting to put up a blackout curtain, much jiggling and rocking and humming. Spoiler alert, nap did not happen. Pic is of the following day when we learned to drive around the community and seek out shade to park the van so Augie could sleep in it. This is us having lunch while we waited for him to wake up.

3. Not an Elf but On A Shelf: Emma contorting self to climb on to and sleep on tiny shelf 20cm from roof of van, clearly meant for an eight-year-old, unable to turn over without bumping head, unable to go outside and pee in night or would wake baby, while Stu decamped to a hiking tent outside.

4.      When Emma Tried to Escape Part 1: Madly googling “can I fly from Port Hedland to Broome” as we neared the port on the return leg of first camping trip. Here I am after discovering the answer was “no” and deciding to apply wine to the situation.

5.      Not The Curtain, Please, Not The Curtain! Losing Augie’s primary blackout curtain in Broome and substituting a homemade version from Spotlight that never worked as well and represented a lot of extra work and climbing/acrobatics.

6.      What Have We Done: When we picked up our new campervan in Darwin, got it to the caravan park and realised the porta cot would not fit on the floor space of this one. Augie had nowhere to sleep. We tried to put it on this stupid platform thing and found that I would not be able to reach it to put Augie in. Needless to say that first afternoon in the Darwin caravan park was another failed nap.

7.      The Darwin Car Park: somewhere on the sizzling tarmac between Bunnings, Spotlight and Anaconda as we searched for solutions (a $500 tent, a $20 pedestal fan, 2 further metres of blackout fabric). Pictured: one extremely hot lady.

8.      The Darwin Hot Box: the caravan park placed charmingly in the middle of triangle created by three airfields (regional, state airports and scenic helicopter business 500m away). Commence so, so much crying and not sleeping. Warning, all the shade in picture above is reserved exclusively for outskirts of park and not for actual campsites.

9.      When Emma Tried to Escape Part 2: Litchfield, the park that was not quite the idyll the website promised. After Augie’s birthday cake melted, and during another failing nap, we discussed just returning to Darwin, ditching the van and flying to Alice, but eventually decided that really the only way out of this trip was through it.

10.   The Night Augie Wouldn’t Sleep in Kakadu: Mozzie Night Edition. The night sleeps were getting as bad as the day ones. By Augie’s birthday, so much crying and not sleeping, a plague of mozzies descended like the Hellmouth had just opened. We sat miserably outside the tent alternately listening to Augie cry and taking turns going in to comfort him, until mozzies got so bad we could not stay outside any longer and had to just all go in there and be awake together. Here is a photo of me and Augie smiling as much as we could.

11.   Stu tearing off a big bleedin’ chunk of his toe on a hidden cement block at famous croc-spotting site Cahill’s Crossing, Kakadu. At least not actually eaten by croc.

12.   The Night Augie Wouldn’t Sleep in Alice Springs. Augie’s sleep reached a real nadir after all this time camping, and we were up half of the night holding and rocking him alternately. We were exhausted and I got quite sick with some kind of nasty cold or virus and had get tested and isolate for three days, so we were unable to explore the McDonnell Ranges stretching east and west of the town, despite having come so far to do it. Here we are putting a brave if bleary face on.

13.   The Night Augie Wouldn’t Sleep in Alice Springs: Fireworks Night Edition (baby: over it). This is a night the NT locals can send off fireworks wherever they want for hours and hours, including directly above our tent. At one point around 3am I handed Augie to Stu to go to the toilet, and when I got back I found Stu had gone to sleep sitting up, with Augie looking up at him in wonder and stroking HIS face.

14.   Stu’s 40th: tearing around Hobart’s Museum of Old and New Art separately, Augie refusing to sit in pram, vegetarian lunch, sleep training Augie again, lots of crying and no sleeping, cold Japanese food (Hobart, TAS). This is the face of a man who just realised there is no meat on his plate. Bonus, it was also Father’s Day.

15.   The Day Augie Would Not ‘Just Sleep in the Boat’: Despite blithe assurance of guides that babies ALWAYS sleep on the way home, our baby is a special case. Realising own stupidity to have brought baby on zero-degree four-hour wilderness tour off extreme south coast of Tasmania where animals like seals find the weather comfortable. Was like holding a struggling, yowling cat.

16. How do I Escape from this Luxury Escape? Our disastrous arrival at a Tassie hotel that turned out to have nowhere for Augie to sleep despite our efforts to communicate with staff before we arrived. Cue more acrobatics with blackout curtain. Thankfully we ended up moving into this room with a separate bathroom that we could use for him to sleep in. (Exhibit A, collapsed portacot in bathroom).

17.   Emma’s 36th: second only to Stu’s birthday in general badness. Howden, TAS.

18.   When Stu’s Vape Broke. Launceston, TAS.  

19.   Thanks Dad: When Mark McGowan slammed the border shut to SA three days before we were due to fly home.

20.   The Night is Darkest Before the Dawn: The first five days of quarantine. Here is Stu smiling beautifully but looking a bit haunted.

Well, never mind all that! Time for…

THE TOP 20! (in chronological order)

1.      Snubfin Dolphin Tour, Broome Whale Watching, Roebuck Bay, WA. Got to meet a tour operator I have interviewed in the past, and we saw this giant turtle, manta rays, snubfins, some distant dugongs and I even got to hop in and have a ride behind the boat.

2. Murujuga National Park, including the Burrup rock art gallery, on the Burrup Peninsula outside Dampier on WA’s north-west coast. One of the world’s oldest and most extensive collections of Indigenous art. A truly special, unforgettable place (thankfully, because it corresponds to low point #2, the failed Community Room nap in Dampier!)

3. Fern Pool, Karijini National Park. You can just see me swimming there. One of those unplanned but tempting swims I’ll be forever thankful afterwards that I bothered to do, despite my denim shorts on and Augie yelling for me from shore.

4. Arrow Pearling Base, Beagle Bay, Dampier Peninsula, WA. We devoted a whole post to this. A jewel in the crown of our stunning state, and our most exceptional experience of hospitality in the entire trip. Check it out on AirBnB.

5.      All of the waterholes, Litchfield National Park, NT. A real blessing and sanity saver given the coupling of this high point with low point #9.

6.      Nourlangie Indigenous Art Walk, Kakadu National Park, NT. I will always remember this wonderful place with awe and gratitude.  

7.  Yellow Waters Cruise, Kakadu National Park, NT. An exceptional tourism experience. I never thought I would see so many crocs, so close up, in my lifetime, not to mention the astounding array of birdlife. An excellent guide too. A rare hour of comfortable enjoyment in a difficult portion of the trip (see low point #10!)

8.   Sunrise at The Devils Marbles (Karlu Karlu), Wauchope, NT. This was coupled with another low point, when the family next to us woke Augie up in the night when they pulled in late next to us, and again at 5am when they got up to see the Marbles at sunrise. We thought, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, and hauled arse to get there by sunrise. We were not disappointed.

9. Alice Springs Reptile Park. I couldn’t be there as I was sick (see low point #12) but Stu and Augie and his grandparents had a great time here. Augie liked putting his face on the cool and silky snake. How cute is that?

10.      Bruny Island Wildlife Tour, Pennicott Wilderness Journeys, TAS. Turns out the four-hour ordeal was totally worth it. Best views of dolphins I have ever had (not effectively photographed due to child wrangling) and an irreplaceable view of Bruny’s wild beauty.

11.   The entirety of Bruny Island, TAS. We just loved this place. The week we spent recuperating here was one of the happiest of the whole trip.

12.   Our house in West Hobart. This view was ours for a month in one of the homeliest and loveliest AirBnBs we have ever stayed in, and up there with the Arrow Pearling Base in terms of the exceptional hospitality of our host. A truly happy time just working and parenting.

13.   Museum of Old and New Art, Hobart, TAS. This is including the Posh Pit, the ferry to the museum along the river that provides free-flowing champagne and nibbles. Hint, do it on a Monday arvo as our family did and you might get the whole ferry to yourself!

14.      Sleepy Bay walk, Freycinet National Park, Tasmania’s east coast. A walk through coastal woodland with views of rocky cliffs of pink granite, covered with the striking orange lichen this coast is known for, ended in this secluded beach where the boulders had gradually disintegrated into a fine, silky sand-like rubble. We stayed a long time just drinking it in (thanks to Augie’s grandparents looking after him back in Hobart!)

15.   Fairy Penguin Tours, Bicheno, Tasmania’s east coast. No decent photos, but an exceptional tourism experience. With Augie safely ensconced with his grandparents we stayed up past 8pm (!) to go out on a bus, in the rain, to a beach outside town where we saw the penguins come in from the sea, hop on to shore and toddle up the beach then wander straight through our legs, almost over our feet, to see their mates and chicks in their nests (which we also were privileged to see). An ecotourism success story with the owners’ efforts helping not only protect but restore the population of penguins in the area.

16.   Port Arthur, Tasman Peninsula, Tasmania. A World Heritage Site steeped in beauty and atmosphere with endless stories to lose yourself in.

17.   Adelaide Baby Sensory classes, SA. Sometimes the most special thing is just two parents hanging out watching your baby repel others from HIS ball pit.

18.      Tour of The Cedars, home of artists Hans and Nora Heysen, Hahndorf, Adelaide Hills. I went into some detail in the blog post, so I won’t belabour the point, but this site is a national treasure.

19.   The Lion, North Adelaide. That simple but rare jewel, a pub walking distance from your home with a bit of style, constant buzz, nice staff who actively welcome babies, and provides decent food at any time of day. A shoutout to its steak frites from StuMo!

20.   Whisky and episodes of Superstore once Augie asleep (everywhere). Sometimes it’s the little things that get you through the day. Here is example picture that we took because at the time this scene represented unparalleled luxury.

Well, that’s all folks, thank you to everyone who read along, we really appreciate your support and interest.

If you like the blog, consider subscribing to catch the next post, my top 10 books of 2021.

Also, now that we’re home, I’m doing events: next up Thursday, January 13, opening Mandurah Readers and Writers Festival with a free supper plus live panel discussion with me and fellow debut authors Mel Hall and Maria Papas discussing the experience of launching a first novel. Bookings here. Thanks again!